Susan’s Journal

I’m liking Flickr videos. It gives you a 90-second glimpse into my uncut life. It saves little snippets of the kids’ history in this easy-to-use format. It forces me to make something short and, in most cases, not worry about editing.

We weren’t sure if Dylan was going to have baseball practice tonight. It rained a good part of the morning, and there were dark, ominous clouds overhead. Practice completed without a weather-related hitch, though, and the boys thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to pry big clumps of mud off their cleats and fling it at each other. they were all filthy–all, that is, except Dylan. I seem to remember the coach saying to Dylan as we left, “You’re going to get dirty next time, Dylan.” It was like a threat and a giggle-factor comment all rolled into one. Dylan smiled.

I played it smart this time, picked up the kids and brought them home, made them sandwiches that they inhaled on the way to practice, and even got Dylan’s red drink. Rain had to poop halfway through practice though (hey, it’s life), and there are no porta- or un-porta-potties at this park. One lady told me it was because parks made in this town after a certain date didn’t have them–because of child abductions. That’s nice to think about. So I ran Rain to the store, and she went potty, and I got myself a soda and a snack (I hadn’t had dinner), and she begged for a snack for her and Dylan, so I made her get ham-and-cheese-and-cracker lunchables–something, I figured, at least halfway healthy. They inhaled them too.

Back home, Mario Kart, showers, reading, praying, bed. That’s all she wrote, folks.

I got a free print of this photo at Walgreen’s for Mother’s Day. It seems like Dylan’s not really smiling, but the truth is much more comical–we had just come back from the dentist, and his mouth was still a little bit numb. It kind of gives him that Elvis look. I love it–it’s a moment in time, a split second of my angels’ lives.

For most moms, and not intentionally, but Mother’s Day is all about them–people doing things for them, people buying them things, people taking them to dinner. It’s about taking a break from mom-ly duties and enjoying being pampered..

For me, I wanted my Mother’s Day to be almost the complete opposite. For me, I was feeling so thankful and blessed to be able to spend time with my wonderful, beautiful children. There was nothing I wanted, nowhere I wanted to go just for me (well, I did have one little indulgence which I’ll mention later). Instead, I wanted to do what my kids wanted to do, wanted to go where they wanted to go, wanted enjoy my time with them.

Scott had Dylan overnight Friday, and I had Rain. She had an early morning test for the gifted students in our town, and I took her there and dropped her off–there were a lot of her friends there taking the test too, so she was happy. I had three hours, so I headed up to Penney’s in the mall and had my hair done. That was my one indulgence for the weekend–to feel a little girly, to look a little pretty. I also had a $10 off coupon for the store, so I spent five minutes in the jewelry department. It was early-morning-doorbuster time, and all jewelry was 50% off. So I found a $22 necklace, which was now $11, used my $10 coupon, and got it for one dollar and eight cents. That was my big Mother’s Day present to myself. Rock!

After leaving Penney’s, I drove back and picked up Rain. She came out wearing her fleece pullover, telling me it had been freezing in there, and that she was one of the only people with a jacket. My smart little girl, bringing a jacket to a test on an 80-degree day. We headed home, and a little while later Dylan was delivered in his baseball uniform with all his stuff–Scott had just brought him to his game.

This next topic deserves a new paragraph all its own–DYLAN GOT A HIT at his game on Saturday! This might not sound like a big deal… but all last season, my little Dylan only got one hit… but his coach said he was the most wonderful kid to have on his team, that he was always smiling. I felt bad, though, since Dylan has a new team this year. They are one of the league’s best, and all the kids on the team always get hits. At the end of each game with this new team, the kids sit around on the ground in a circle and get stars passed out to them–little stars, one for each hit they made that day. Every kid got one the game I went to–but Dylan didn’t. So now, Dylan has one red star on the back of his helmet, and I am so, so proud of him. Hopefully it will be loaded with stars by the end of the season!

Saturday afternoon we had a late lunch at Cici’s before Rain’s softball game. Rain’s team isn’t the powerhouse that Dylan’s is… they lost. I’ll tell you though that my Rain made two AWESOME outs at first base. See, they had this other girl on first, and Rain on third… then halfway through the game they switched them… and to me, it was blatantly obvious that in this other configuration, with this kick-butt girl at third and Rain at first, that THIS was the winning combination. It worked out really well.

We had plans to head down to see Speed Racer later that afternoon, but on the way I made a pit stop at Toys R Us. I didn’t really tell the kids what it was for, but Dylan had an idea. I got a carriage (cart, buggy, whatever) and headed straight towards the back of the store. I walked around the bicycles for a while until I found what I was looking for–the Razor scooter section. A couple weekends ago, Dylan had gotten to ride one of these at a friends’ house, and he had LOVED it. I had looked up how much they were online, and saw them at about $250… but when we got to Toys R Us, it was on sale for $199. That was the deal maker for me–that was the amount I had originally put down to pay for the kids’ summer camp, which they aren’t going to now. So one Dirt Rocket and two helmet/pad sets later, we were loaded up with half the backseat down and finally on our way to the movie theater.

We headed down to Dallas to the IMAX theater to see Speed Racer! I had been talking about seeing it for weeks, and though the kids enjoyed it, I really felt like it was for me! LOL We were about an hour and a half early, and we were the first ones in line. They had tables with posters, tattoos, buttons, and all kinds of free stuff, and the kids came back to where I was sitting at the beginning of the line, with their hands full of goodies. We were right in front of the concession stand, so I sent Rain up there with my bank card to get us popcorn and soda. I think she felt like a big girl paying with my card I didn’t let them drink more than a tiny sip, though–with an hour to wait in line, I wasn’t going to have to go potty ten minutes into the movie! A man sat behind us with his little girl, and I wondered if this was his weekend with her. It was obvious that he loved her very much, and halfway through the movie she ended up cuddled up in a ball in his lap. It was very cute. The movie itself–non-stop color and action and fun and goofiness and laughs and A-listers. I noticed the bad guy was also in “V for Vendetta.” Though it maybe hasn’t got the greatest reviews, I thoroughly enjoyed it. In the car on the way home, I checked my phone, and Dylan’s baseball coach had called and left a message, saying Sunday’s game was rescheduled. More fun time alloted for the kids–awesome.

It was after nine when we got home, and both kids were half-unconscious in the car. I nudged them both into the house, and Rainlin passed out in her bed almost instantly. I put Dylan to bed, and I thought he would also pass right out–but a few minutes later, I heard him in his room crying. I went up there and sat on his bed, asking him what was wrong. “We didn’t get to pray,” he said. So I sat and prayed with him; and then I explained that once in a while we could miss church, and it was all right; and once in a while we could miss praying, and it was all right… God understands. I think he got it, but it was nice to see how important bedtime prayer is to him. I went into the garage, pulled most of the packing off the Dirt Rocket (which was blissfully 95% assembled already) and plugged in the battery, because I knew first thing in the morning the kids would want to ride it. Five minutes and two-dogs-in-kennels later, I was in bed.

The next thing I remember was waking up at 5:50am to my front door opening. I had thought about removing the clunk-clunking decoration from the front door, but now I’m glad I didn’t, because between that and the alarm beep, I knew it was the front door, and I bolted up out of bed. It was Dylan… not some intruder. “What are you doing??” I asked. I just wanted to get my video game out of the car, he said. I breathed a big *whew* and laid down on the couch for a little while, watching him play the Wii.

It wasn’t long before I was in the garage, pulling the rest of the packing off the Dirt Rocket and getting it assembled. It came with its own tool kit! That was cool. It’s now in a ziploc bag in my tool box, labeled “dirt bike tools” (I know, I’m so female). I hooked up the air compressor to my car, aired up the tires to about 60 PSI, then finally couldn’t wait any longer myself–here you go, I told Dylan. I’m going to wake up Rain. I did, and literally thirty seconds later she was downstairs, dressed and ready to go. After a few runs back and forth down the sidewalk in front of the house to be sure the bike wasn’t going to explode into a thousand parts, we headed for the park.

The kids had an incredible blast. They named all the little pathways that they took, and it turned into a checkered-flag Speed Racer race. Rain would do one lap on “the main route”, and then Dylan would take his turn on the “basketball bonus route” (called BBR for short). They went over and over again, never getting bored, and the bike never lost its pep either. I was impressed, they were happy, and though it was a tiny bit chilly, all was right with the world.

Back at home, we had various sandwiches for lunch–grilled cheese, PB&J, and tuna melt–and Dylan’s little friend joined us for a sandwich and chips. Once our tumblies were full of food, we headed out to Adventure Landing to burn up the cup full of tokens I had left over from last time, and to turn in a free-go-cart-ride coupon I had. We were there for an hour or two before heading back out again.

The next stop was back at Penney’s, where Rain got her hair cut. She hadn’t had it done since before the lice incident, so I let her get her hair washed, cut, blow-dryed, and styled. I wanted her to enjoy an hour of attention, just for her. While she got it done, Dylan and I giggled in the waiting chairs, watching YouTube videos on my iPhone. When she was done, this beautiful little angel girl with a little flip in her hair walked up to me. I love my Rain.

So every mother gets to go out to dinner for Mother’s Day, right? Hmm… the kids had never been to Joe’s Crab Shack (and I had only been once), so we went there. We didn’t get an appetizer, and we didn’t get dessert, but we all enjoyed the food we got–in fact, Dylan got so much popcorn shrimp that we ended up getting a to-go box to stink up the car. I ordered an appetizer as my meal–mozarella sticks, great balls of fire (crab, shrimp, jalepeno), and tortilla chips with this great fish-dip-stuff. I loved it. Everyone was happy. The kids enjoyed the wait staff doing their little dances every ten minutes.

We left Joe’s about twenty minutes before the night church service started. I got the kids dropped off at kids’ church and was surprised to see a bunch of my friends from the afternoon service there! We all sat together, and one of my girlfriends even won a mother’s day gift! It was very excellent. A friend of mine from the media center even made me some CDs of kids’ praise songs for the kids. They LOVED them!

It was about 7:30 when we were almost home; and I wanted the kids to be able to play outside for just a few minutes before we went to bed, so we did a military-style grocery store run. We all had our orders–Rain got Pop Tarts, Dylan got bread, and I got some breakfast drinks. We were zip-zoom out the door, back in the car, and home in ten minutes.

Of course you know why I wanted to get home before dark. The kids putted around the park a few more times on the scooter before about 8:15. It was beautiful outside, and the setting sun turned the sky beautiful shades of pink above the fields. I finally ushered them back home, and Dylan tried in vain to get to sleep in my bed (I’m trying to enforce the “not on school nights” rule). We prayed together in Dylan’s room, then they both laid down to sleep. Lately, I’ve been crashing right after I put them down. From the zillion tons of fun we had on this Mother’s Day weekend, I’m sure you can understand why. I love my kids so, so much.

Before picking up the kids, I stopped at the Wal Mart Grocery Store on the way and grabbed some queso-making supplies. One green pepper, one orange pepper, one can of Rotel, and one box of Velveeta later, I was at the daycare. One working-garage-door-opening later, we were in the house, dumping ingredients into the Crock Pot to make queso. Hey–we didn’t have a big, fancy, decorated party; but we had some kickass queso, and Dylan’s little friend even came over to give some a try. Two showers, three bedtime prayers, and two tuck-ins later, I sit here in my Archie Bunker chair, thoroughly exhausted and ready for bed. The “Airplane Wars” video blog post has also been made, and it will be up on my vlog in the next couple hours. Enjoy!

Years ago, maybe in about 2000, I was reading a girlfriend of mine’s LiveJournal. She was talking about how you never seem to exactly remember the firsts, but how you can detail-for-detail always remember the lasts–the last time you saw your grandfather, the last fight you had with your boyfriend, the last hug you gave to your favorite pet before it was put to sleep.

I am not going to let today be the last day I was married. I am going to remember it as my first day of freedom–the first day that God will use to lead me into my new life.

I woke up in my bed, as usual, but with two slumber mates. They had asked me the night before if they could sleep with me, and how could I not let them; I wasn’t going to see them the next night. We talked, we cuddled, we giggled, then we had gone to sleep. In the morning, the alarm went off, and it was with great reluctance that all three of us got up. We had breakfast together, something I’ve been trying to do every morning, then did tooth-brushing, dog-feeding, backpack-stuffing, and shoe-searching. Out the door, in the car, to school, and there I was–alone. I turned on the GPS to make absolutely sure I knew where I was going, then drove the 5 minutes to the courthouse.

I had never been there before, and it was huge and ominous. I was more than half an hour early, so I sat in the car, called my mom, brushed my hair, then finally wandered inside. Scott showed up before my lawyer did, and I didn’t really want to talk to him. She arrived, and we found our courtroom and went inside to get organized. We were the first ones there. We were the first ones seen. The judge came in, an old, pleasant-looking, white-haired, Dallas-like man, and we all rose. I really didn’t want to be there. Courtrooms are almost as bad as hospitals for me. He called us forward. My lawyer spoke, and she asked me about ten questions, and I pretty much just said yes yes yes, then Scott was asked questions, and he did the same, and the judge said divorce granted, and that was it. We waited outside, me standing and Scott on a bench, to get our copies of the divorce papers. My lawyer came out a few minutes later to give them to us. Scott left, and I lingered a few minutes with my lawyer, then I left too. That’s it, ten minutes, and ten years of marriage were signed away. What do I have? Two of the smartest, cutest, most wonderful children in the world.

I drove towards home, feeling empty, feeling devoid of any emotion at all. I knew what I wanted to do. A few exits before home, I took the offramp from the highway to an exit that I knew had a Christian book store. I pulled in the parking lot and up to the front door of the store… and it was closed. I don’t just mean not open yet–I mean completely gutted. The Christian bookstore was just not there anymore. This is where I had gotten the kids’ bibles years ago, and it was no longer there. I felt God saying to me, if you really want this, you’re going to have to work a little harder for it. I called goog-411, reset my GPS, and headed off again.

The next stop found me at another Christian bookstore about ten minutes away. It didn’t open for another ten or so minutes, so I sat in my car and sent a couple text messages to my friends. There was a car parked next to me with an old man in it, apparently also waiting for the bookstore to open. The lady finally came and unsnapped the doors, and I wandered in a moment later.

The only bible I can remember owning was given to me by my ex-mother-in-law. Today I wanted to get one for myself–one that I felt drawn to, that I really felt I could learn from, that I had picked out on my own. I walked through the aisle of new bibles, fingering through several of them, until I came to several leather-bound, colorful bibles titled “Women’s Devotional Bible.” There was a small version without a price, and a larger version with a sale sticker on it for $29. I picked up the smaller one, wandered around the store a bit more, and headed for the register. When she rang it up, it was $31. Hmm, I said, the other, larger one (with easier font for me to read) was less than that… hang on a minute while I go grab the other one. I brought the larger one back, and the computer rang it up for $45–but she gave it to me for the $29 anyways because of the sticker price. Somehow, in some female-shopping-kinda way, it happened on purpose. This, the larger-print bible, is the one I was meant to have. I am very happy with it. It has all kinds of study guides in the back, and I know it will help me to study more diligently and grow. This was my gift to myself on this First Day.

Back at home, I logged into work like a good girl, even though my boss had told me “take all the time you need.” There were some things they needed me to do, and it didn’t take a lot of time. I kept up with email throughout the day intermittently also, just because. After checking email, I sat and watched about half of a movie called “Big Fish” and ate cold pizza from a couple days ago for lunch.

Halfway through it, I looked at the clock, and it was 12:20pm, so I paused the movie, slid on my shoes, and sprinted out to my car. I pulled up to the kids’ school just as Rain’s class was getting ready for lunch. She had brought her lunch today, but I just wanted to spend that extra half hour with her. She made her little Lunchable pizzas, and I just sat and drank a little of the chocolate milk she had bought me. She drank the rest. We talked about her day, and we smiled, and we giggled. It was just one more piece I had wanted in my First Day.

After lunch with my Rain, I went home and finished watching Big Fish. If you haven’t seen it, I really recommend it–I think it’s one of Tim Burton’s best works–not as dark as most of them are. I resolved to head upstairs after the movie ended (and after I checked work email again), and I spent the next two hours painting more icicles along the ceiling of Dylan’s room. I really hope they are turning out to look okay, because they are tons of work! I have two walls done now (the two easy ones); the two remaining walls are tapered up, and cornered (where the door is), and about two feet higher where the ceiling peaks. At least I have a hand at it now and pretty much know how to make the icicles.

At one point in the afternoon, somewhere between Big Fish and icicles, I had talked to a friend of mine online very briefly. He told me to get outside, enjoy the day, make a video. So I did–since this is a long post, I’ll include that one here too. It’s a Flickr short photovid with a narration track, me telling a short 90-second story. I hope you enjoy it. “Do You Know Clarence?”

Through some text messages, I got set up to have dinner with my girlfriend from church. I had asked one girl, whose daughter had come over to visit Rain the other day, but she had some plans. I suggested Mimi’s to the friend who was going, and she said okay. It ended up being eight of us–four of that eight were kids–and we had a great dinner at Mimi’s. None of them had been there before, everyone loved it, and I was glad I had suggested it. We were seated right by the front entrance, and who should happen in when we were halfway done? My other friend from church, the one who had plans earlier. She had finished them up and decided to go out to dinner–and just happened to be at the same place we went. What are the odds of that? I gave her a hug and told her it was good to see her. My dad called at the end of the meal, and I talked to him for a minute and told him I loved him. Then we all headed out to our cars and left.

Back at home, I finished up watching this movie called the Illusionist. It was the first movie I had seen Edward Norton in that I really liked him in. If you haven’t seen it, it’s another one worth watching–definitely has a surprise ending! It ended at exactly ten o’clock, and that’s when I decided it was time to sit and write this blog post.

So here I am. It’s the First Day for me, and I’m definitely looking forward to the Second Day, when I’ll get to spend oodles of time with my kidlets again.

And on this day,
April 28, 2002… I had just finished up the Breast Cancer 3-Day walk. I’m doing it again this year. Please check out my 3-day page!

When I was little, I don’t remember how old, I remember getting a report card one time that had all A’s and B’s, except for one C+. It was in history, the subject I like the least. I showed my report card to my mom, and she didn’t say anything about the good grades–she just said, why did you get a C+ in this? That seemed to be all she cared about. As I’ve grown up and had my own kids, like most people, I’ve always said I would raise my own kids different.

Last night was one of those opportunities.

Rainlin’s grades have always been good, but not perfect the past six months. There’s been plenty going on, and I didn’t push her on it, I’ve just offered her more help here and there. So last night, she bringe me this report card… A honor roll. She was so happy. I was so happy, and I let her know it. “But this one grade that didn’t go up…” she actually pointed it out to me. I looked right into her eyes, and I told her I didn’t care. She did great in everything else, and I am very proud of her. I even took her report card (They’re not “cards” anymore–just a piece of paper out of the printer) and I drew “The Fuzz”… this crazy, happy furball cartoon I draw. I wrote some other words of encouragement on there too. She smiled, and her eyes twinkled. I loved that moment. My little Rain, growing up so fast… my wonderful, beautiful Rain.

This morning, Dylan brought me his report card too, which I didn’t take a picture of. He’s always gotten good grades, and his report card was much of the same story. So he got The Fuzz too, and I gave him a big hug. I want both of them to know how proud I am of them for trying, for doing their best, for getting good grades.

It carries into sports too–I teach them things, but stand back and let the coaches do the work, stepping up only when they ask me to. I yell “go Rain” and “good job Dylan” but never scream or shout negative things like some parents do. That really makes me sick. I want to make the good feel better, not the bad feel worse.

This weekend is going to be a weekend of craziness, though I’ll love every moment of it since I’ll have the kids with me. Here’s the short list, just off the top of my head…
- Get groceries. We got a few of the basic necessities yesterday–like a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread–but we still need other things.
- Paint Dylan’s room. The base coat of light blue is done… but now I have to figure out how to paint icicles around his ceiling to make it look like the North Pole.
- Hang the mirrors. I got each kid a mirror for their room from Garden Ridge, and I have to hang them the right way… so I’ll need a level, a stud finder, strong hangers, etc…
- Take the puppies for a walk. They have got to be hating me at this point–I haven’t been spending any time with them lately.
- Take Dylan to his baseball practice.
- Vacuum the house… every inch of it.
- Mow the backyard–if it ends up being dry enough. I want to use the bag on the mower, but it might be too long and take me forever
- Take Rainlin to her batting practice at the batting cages–which also has an arcade and go-carts, so I’m sure we’ll spend half a day there.
- Go to church for the night service, and run a camera… these are a few of my favorite things

I’ll get there. We’ll get there together. Baby steps.

It seems like I’ve been playing one big game if catch- up lately. I mowed the front yard this morning, but it was way too hot to do the back. It was muggy, and u was sweaty. I still have to finish painting Dylan’s room. The poor kid has been waiting for icicles for weeks. I had lunch with him today, hence the picture. By the time I put the two of them to bed at night, I’m just about unconscious myself. There just aren’t enough hours in the day. Tomorrow, up at 5:45am, to work, then to Dylan’s first baseball practice, then home for showers and bed, then it starts all over again the next day. I’m wiped.

What an awesome day today turned out to be.

Just one more day, I kept thinking to myself. One more day until I can hug my kidlets again, until we can giggle again. Then around lunch time, I got this text message… Are you supposed to get them tonight or tomorrow? it asked.

I would LOVE to get them today, I replied, but that’s up to you and the kids. A couple hours later, he said I could pick them up today. Woo hoo!

He actually brought them to my work (well… Near it), and they asked me to go back inside, so I gladly took them. Dylan wanted to check out the wii in the break room, even though we have one at home; so we satat a table and watched him while Rain finished up her Dr. Pepper.

We stopped at Fry’s on the way home for me to grab a $3.99 copy of “Silence of the Lambs,” then we stopped at Blockbuster for three free movies with coupons and turn-ins (but we didn’t get to watch any of them tonight). Dinner was, of course, from the toaster oven, this time chicken breasts with teriyaki sauce, and corn and baked beans and buttered bread… I know, not the healthiest thing on the planet, but better than MacDonald’s.

Then it was shower time, then praying time, then bedtime. The days just go by too fast.